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by Viv

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I'm here because it's a place where I want to be.

What do I do with my life - still pondering that, keep exploring the possibilities I suppose...

I do have another more personal moblog Vivupclose

Take a look at my daughter Beth's website...

food for thought...

Everyone, in some small sacred sanctuary of the self, is nuts. -Leo Rosten, author (1908-1997)

We think caged birds sing, when indeed they cry. -John Webster, playwright (c. 1580-1634)

There are two kinds of light -- the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. -James Thurber, writer and cartoonist (1894-1961)

The artist brings something into the world that didn't exist before, and he does it without destroying something else. -John Updike, writer (1932-2009)

Some people become so expert at reading between the lines they don't read the lines. -Margaret Millar, novelist (1915-1994)

There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest. -Elie Wiesel, writer, Nobel laureate (b. 1928)

Thanks to A THOUGHT FOR TODAY
from A.Word.A.Day with Anu Garg

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Alan's Goodbye - Viv's final words

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Viv’s final thoughts
I started going out with Alan when I was 16. Nov 12th I think 1961.
We had been friend’s for some time. Walking back from youth club as an ever dwindling group, by the time we got to my house there was just Alan, Noel and I. We would chat outside for ages. He did ask me out to see Anthony Newley’s ‘Stop the World I want to get off.’ I said yes if I could pay my half - he wasn’t having that so it didn’t happen. I didn’t want to go out with him and end up losing him as a friend, but when he asked me to go to see ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ with him I accepted. I knew this was a long term thing - I remember asking when I would next see him and he looked shocked - poor thing he didn’t have a clue! Our relationship has had it’s ups and downs like any other - but we were always rooted in our friendship - those roots have shown so clearly in the last month of his life. Nothing needed to be discussed, we agreed about everything except for him making his current account joint - he wasn’t ready for that!

So it is time to let him go...
On the 15th not realising at the time that it was our last day, I spent in all, 4 hours sitting by his bed. We were calm and sad. He was not afraid. He just desperately wanted to sleep. I was glad it was just us because for anyone else he would have made that bit of effort, as he did whenever a nurse or doctor appeared. I’m sure we both thought many things, but we just spoke occasionally. I told him how proud I was of all of us and how we had coped. There was a peace and understanding.

We have all lost a man we loved - the first time I sobbed before he died was when I thought of looking through all our old holiday videos and photos and thinking that he wouldn’t be there to answer my questions. I’ve lost great chunks out of my life, have memories I won’t be able to confirm, although we were just as likely to disagree about them. I have lost my partner in life of 52 years but that means I was lucky enough to share my life with him for 52 years. I am grateful that we had notice that he was dying and were able to share that notice and feel the warmth of friendship from all around us. It was a time when we as a family took nothing for granted and totally appreciated each other. We were always conscious of goodbyes even when I walked the dogs. So both Helen and Beth felt they had said proper goodbyes and he got up and walked to the door to see them off. Our last goodbye was from me ‘ I love you’ and from Alan ‘I love you too and thanks again’ There was a long look and a slow release of hands - cinematic - I can see it in my mind. Bless you Alan - maybe some of you feel that is a strange expression for a non secular funeral - but when someone thinks with love of you or touches you with love nothing can be more blessed. Please bless Alan in your own way during this short silence.
8th Feb 2013, 10:51   | tags:,

MaggieD says:

Lovely, lovely photo booth photos so iconic of the time. So much more romantic than the mobile phone photos that you see on Facebook etc today.

My thoughts are with you and your family, relieved that you all had the opportunity to say your personal goodbyes.

Much Love to you all,
Maggie
X

8th Feb 2013, 18:50

Viv says:

I didn't blow them up until after he had died - they blew me away have got another I will post x

8th Feb 2013, 19:01

bronxelf says:

This is so lovely, and I am so sorry for your loss.

9th Feb 2013, 13:23

Viv says:

thanks Avril

9th Feb 2013, 15:46

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