What have I learnt today ?
by WhathaveI
There are two sides to everything......even the truth.
This will be a bit like a daily me but more like a real journal. I've become more aware of how important the things we learn each day are and how I need to remind myself of what each day has taught me, either, for the first time, or as most often happens, for a second or third time...... I'm also having my usual tussle with the internet and some of the people on it, so what's new ?
I wont neccessarily post everyday as I'm not intending on putting that much pressure on myself and having thought about it the real reason I am doing this is to keep a diary of the craziness that is life, so that if I EVER become famous and am forced to write an autobiography I will have an abundance of vacuous material to put in. (Takes toungue out of cheek)
I also had time to mull over why I have invited just the small group of people I have. If you are here its because I value whatever it is you bring to this small place on the interent. Put simply........Friend.
I've put the moany bit at the bottom of the page now! I'm already cringing at it but I shall leave it as a reminder of how I am swinging between rational and irrational thought and emotion.
THE MOANY BIT!!!!!!
I have also been very unwell for a number of years now and am at a point where the line between some kind of decent recovery and a life of infinite illness is begining to piss me off! I'm piqued too by the fact that no-one seems to recognise or care about my daily struggle, some mornings I can't get out of bed and even if I manage to stand upright my feet are so painful it hurts to walk. This has been a new development since May from a nasty virus - shingles - which affected my face and right eye, very painful indeed and very exhausting. But see I'm moaning again and I should know better, there are afterall people much worse off than me. Hmmmmmpph
Therefore I need somewhere to vent.
Am adding only a few select friends as I dont wish to share with everyone. Think I have reached a time of life where being very sensitive anyway, just emphasizes even more the emotions I feel. I'm calling it my 'Mental Pause' appropriate for all kinds of reasons though apparently I havent actually reached this biological point yet according to the Doc ! it feels like it though and I hate that in the 21st century it is still a very ill discussed subject and carries such Taboo and misinformation and a sense that somehow you are passed it.................... mini rant over for now :-)
I realise that there will be people (admin) who will be able to read this......so be it.
There may be days when I learn more than one thing, there may be days when I dont. Inevitably there will be days when I am learning the same bloody lesson I thought I'd already learned such is life.
Please dont feel you have to comment or indeed even induldge me by coming here to read the blog, I really do need to vent somewhere without offending or upsetting others. But most of all I want my moblog friends to know I havent desserted them and 'left' with a swish of my skirt and an "I 'm leaving goodbye" etc etc etc.
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Flashing Past - What I've learnt today........so far :-)
This last eleven months has been very eventful. Some things that have happened have been wonderful, the birth of my grandson. I was my daughters birth partner again and it was a mix of joy at his birth and pain at seeing my daughter in such physical agony (he was a big baby) but he came, thankfully , very quickly. The sadness of life long friends succumbing to cancer in some cases after many years of fighting, apparent recovery or remission and then BANG..... gone, all in their 40's.
I've tried to be wise about it and tell myself that as you move through life so some of the people who were on the journey with you, reach their stop. I just wish it had'nt come round so soon.
This morning I drove one of my older (22) sons to college. This is a huge bone of contention. Theory has it he is big enough and ugly enough to hop on a train and get there himself. This is true, but if I don't take him he will probably find an excuse not to go. Well that's his look out isn't it ? But he's lost. His father left him when he was three, it broke his heart and its stayed with him always. He never/won't talk about it and I feel so guilty and no amount of counselling for me has been able to take away that guilt and I know that is my motivation for why I do some of the things I do for him. I want to help him but I dont know how. Am I interferring if I make a suggestion as to his options or choices ? afterall, there his choices. But it is so hard to see him so unhappy.
Giant pause here.................. as a neighbour has come in to tell me about her weekend coming up and we've been talking for almost an hour and now I have to go off and get eldest son.
What have I learnt today so far ? ...................................................................................
That as long as what I do, think , say on a personal level does'nt feel wrong and I'm not hurting anyone, then perhaps I should stop stressing about what 'they' think.
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Jane Doe says:
Great shot.
I will be coming here and 'listening', even if I don't answer you back much. As for 'deserting' anyone, it's your blog and you can blog whenever you want/need to, and to whatever audience you choose.
Thank you for inviting me on the journey with you, I might learn something about myself too x
WhathaveI says:
Thanks JD I kinda want to be a bit more annoymous on here at the moment, sounds daft as the only people who will/may read any of this will be the ones I friend......................and of course they will know who I am :-)
WhathaveI says:
Thanks P I am rather hoping that some of my rants might be mildly amusing :-) instead of totally mentally pausal!!
WhathaveI says:
I do hope that the select friends dont think I am implyiung that they are in the same boat neccessarily. And thank you for accompanying me :-)