Good lord! That's depressing!
By the time you come back to UK, rent will be rock bottom so you'll probably get somewhere fabulous on Bermondsey Street or something.
Euuuuuw. I demand an audience before you leave xxx
OMFG!?! That is horrendous. Come home to two la casa Ahrens meouw xxx
Your landlord deserves to be shot.
Also, sofa is yours as and when you need it. x