Side-track #1
(Resulting from anxiety caused by current lack of camera options)

Actual instructions from the box:

POP-TARTS TOASTING INSTRUCTIONS
1. Remove pastry from pouch.
2. Warm pastry in toasting appliance at lowest or lightest heat setting for one heating cycle only.
3. Cool briefly before carefully removing pastry from toasting appliance.

POP-TARTS MICROWAVE INSTRUCTIONS
1. Remove pastry from pouch. Place pastry on a microwave-safe plate.
2. Microwave on high for 3 seconds.
3. Cool briefly before handling.

People actually have to read those, huh? Probably not as scary as the fact that Pop Tarts come in "French Toast" flavour.

Because making REAL French Toast takes longer than 3 seconds, and only has about an 1/8th of the sugar.

Humanity scares me.