McGandhi: putting the sensual back in non-consensual

I'm a 23 year-old Nightclub Slave, soon to be promoted to Nightclub Bitch, where I will be forced into a suit and have to pretend I like people. I listen to depressing music to remind me how much worse my life could be. I eat takeaways most nights.

My aspiration in life is to find true love, and then roundhouse-kick it in the face for being the cause of so many shitty films, music and conversations. That and I want to have a beer named after me.

Yes...