Urban Alchemy

by bronxelf

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These are random moments in the life of an indecent designer and the city she loves.

To read my grudging babblings about design, click the button.

And can we really measure
If we think we're any better
than that skyline that goes on and on
forever, on and on...."

- Less Than Jake: Is This Thing On?

Everybody in this world wants the same damned thing-
just not at the same time.

-Chris Orbach: Jane

I could be condemned to hell for every sin but littering."

- Soul Coughing: Idiot Kings

I am a female, carbon based lifeform.
I am a New York City Native.
I am a Design Professional.
I take photographs.
I also sculpt, paint, create mosaics, and play with weapons.

And sometimes, I even dance about Architecture.

What I see, is what you get.

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It's offical.

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The Worst Book Ever Written has been published. You can see it here. No, it isn't mine. If the owner of this book wants to out themselves, it's up to them.

Honestly, if this book isn't being sold in the comedy section, there's clearly a problem in the universe. It really is *that bad*.
24th Jun 2006, 19:59   | tags:,

paintist says:

'advanced' techniques...sheesh...

24th Jun 2006, 20:02

bronxelf says:

Really, I only wish I could post excerpts. It's just THAT horrible.

24th Jun 2006, 20:02

Twiglet says:

302? I find the same old 5 work well enough............

24th Jun 2006, 20:27

bronxelf says:

Trust me, there really are only about five. It's just they've found 302 ways to describe them. Badly.

24th Jun 2006, 20:28

Twiglet says:

: ) : ) : )

24th Jun 2006, 20:29

rikaitch says:

I think that was written by my ex. He was such a good writer.

24th Jun 2006, 20:32

twfarlan says:

Sounds like the old Purity Test extended remix. "Have you done this?" Then repeat the question, adding, "In a bed? In a car? In a cemetary? With a chicken?" counting each minor variant as a seperate point.

24th Jun 2006, 21:20

bronxelf says:

Just look the book up on amazon. The second review has to be fake. But So Funny.

24th Jun 2006, 21:23

Geodyne says:

We *can* arrange excerpts...

24th Jun 2006, 22:33

bronxelf says:

Totally. Do it. :)

24th Jun 2006, 22:34

Geodyne says:

Well, first there are the....interesting decsriptions: "When he is thrusting, plae your fingers at the base of his kingly shaft."

Then there's the statement and restatement of the obvious: "According to the Madam, the call girl's secret to a great blowjob is enthusiasm. Men say, 'It was great. She loves it!'" - like we didn't all know that already.

Oh, and then there's this one - "In a man's scret dreams, his woman treats the hot cascade of his orgasm not as a messy goo, but as a divine elixir - a golden potion that only he can mix, the vital fluid that carries the essence of his manhood and his sacred seed."

I could go on. But I'm sure you're all going to beg me not to, lest you die of laughing...

24th Jun 2006, 22:39

bronxelf says:

The prosecution rests.

24th Jun 2006, 22:46

Caine says:

Elf, you must turn Gutterboy onto this - it's *perfect* for his Quills of Shame posts. :D

25th Jun 2006, 02:41

silar31 says:

So, it's a supposed sex manual that reads like cheap pulp smut, then. Nice.

25th Jun 2006, 04:37

Geodyne says:

If I looked hard enough I could probably find all of those in there, Mandy...

25th Jun 2006, 08:49

Dhamaka says:


25th Jun 2006, 09:39

daz says:


25th Jun 2006, 11:00

Gael says:


25th Jun 2006, 12:00

GregErin says:

The best way I've found to drive a man crazy in bed is to nag him about all the shit he needs to do around the house or take up the whole bed and have crazy, kicking dreams.

25th Jun 2006, 16:41

yourhermione NLI says:

maybe it's says something about the caliber of men in my life, but just being awake seems to satisfy most guys.


25th Jun 2006, 18:08

bronxelf says:

YH, yes, well most men do tend to get accustomed to barely passable sex, if that's all they know exists.

Think of it this way- you have higher standards.

25th Jun 2006, 18:44

Dhamaka says:

am I right in believing that the only people who have posted comments to this are women?

I wonder why...


25th Jun 2006, 18:55