kel's moblog (we love the city)

by kel

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This is London, not Antartica, so why don't the tubes run all night,
You are my Girlfriend, not Molly Ringwald, so why won't you stay here tonight,
This is sixth form poetry not Keats or Yeats, and now we find the part that we both hate.

We love the city because it lets us down, We love the city NOT the suburbs that surround.
We love all the dirty things, that lead us to think, that maybe true love could be found.
We love the city because its how we live, We love the city cause it never loves us back.
We love it all because sometimes, even though they're hard to find, it contains all the virtues we lack.

(Hefner "We Love The City")

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the girl, the boy, the tape deck

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A tape can be a useful way to make your life seem more dramatic. You create your own ninety minute narrative, with highs, lows, big set pieces, love scenes, battles, flowing on nicely one from the next to reel the audience in and keep them there right until the last act. You can show him your history, (that song that you loved last year and still love because it reminds you of that time last summer when...�¦) your present and what you want the future to be. You can show your dark side, your happy side, how you feel about your friends, your sense of humour and most importantly, your taste and whether it's compatible with his. A litmus test of feelings and moments. All courtships, those between lovers and friends, should involve mix tapes. Letters are for the 19th century; pop music for the present.

It seems strange but he's now become one of those memories tethered to those songs, a memory you allude to when making tapes for someone else, someone new, someone you can say is yours. You still compose track listings in your head for him, on buses and trains, or when rifling through your music. You realise that this is different; you're choosing songs that you want to be about you now, about you and that someone else. You want to show off what you have to him, give him a glimpse from a distance, wanting his approval and his blessing as if he knew his part in what got you to where you are now. You wonder if that's what he was doing all along with the stuff he taped for you back then, displaying just a little of his life to you at a time, like a bashful peacock. You realise that was half the appeal all along. You realise it doesn't matter so much anymore, that there isn't a big ending, just a mess of friendship that ebbs and grows. You're dancing, and laughing, and finally living.

How annoying is it that life just gets in the way and makes you drift apart from people you had a proper real connection with? How annoying is it when you try to rebuild those connections and it just doesn't bloody well work out? When do you just say - fuck it, we're obviously not friends any more?

I don't mean this as intense as it sounds, honest, just missing some of the people I used to be so close with. :)

DocD says:

Mix tapes are serious business..
A whole lot of songs on a BASF/maxell C60/90 may not mean much but
when you think about who you did the tape for and what those songs meant at that time it can take you back.
Songs stay the same but life changes Kel...

10th Nov 2005, 01:32

kel says:

yeah, all just part of life, i know... it just makes me sad sometimes!

10th Nov 2005, 01:35

spinboy says:

I have a copy of Sebadoh's seminal Gimme Indie Rock on a C90 mixtape and now the original vinyl album. It means the little bit more on a cassette though.

10th Nov 2005, 16:52

Dhamaka says:

The trouble is that people grow, and sometimes that means growing apart. But the flip side of the coin is that there are millions of other people out there, many of whom you'll have a great connection with and with whom you can grow, having learned from earlier experiences

Also not meant to sound heavy..

10th Nov 2005, 21:18

DocD says:

What tunes are we talking about on these mixtapes? Indie, house,trance, jazz, bit of indian, dub, ragga street soul and hip hop was my range of music.

10th Nov 2005, 22:06

kel says:

ah, loads... indie, soul, hiphop, jazz, random tacky pop, strange electronica... but the post wasn't really about one tape in particular! (although the 'dancing, and laughing and finally living' line is lifted from a Smiths song).

by the way, the first two paragraphs aren't referring to any particular mix tape, it's just a bit of a piece I wrote a few months ago that was inspired by a friend I used to swap mix tapes with. :) It was meant really as a celebration of that time, but when I posted it yesterday, I was feeling a bit frustrated - you know when you do your best to keep in touch with people and life gets in the way, but it's no one's fault really.

11th Nov 2005, 09:19

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