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be pure - dear younger sister.

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So I have a younger sister, to be exact she's 6 years younger, and I love her so much. But you have to know one thing about me and my past, my parents weren't always that careful and I didn't always dare to say anything or speak up my mind. Knowing that I would be punished, or at least scared of being punished. And haven said that, those few times that I did say something bad, I'd be punished immideatly.. You might understand i still have a little bit of a trauma of that. I also have a little brother, which is only 2 years younger. Now, my parents aren't really being hard on my sister, and to me it feels kind of mean. I understand, my parents have improved, loads, but for me to see how she's being treated, it hurts me. I wonder what it's like to be the younger sister, I understand that being teased by your big brother and sister (actually I do not do it that often, maybe once a month as a joke) would be really hurting, but it seems like she doesn't understand any thing about my situation either. she's young, very young, but she's understanding. I talked about it with her. And she actually told me I was not the problem, it was my brother and his friends. But then still, what is that connection, that click between the younger and older sister/brother that makes it so hard to not be able to understand each other. Because most likely, it's that the older child feels like it's been treated badly in addition to the younger child, and the younger child has to protect herself from the older never being able to talk to them.. if there are any parents on here reading this, then please tell me if there's a solution for this and how to understand this. to me it's very hard sometimes. To hear and see her do/say things which I never had the chance to because my parents did not allow me too, when she does something wrong, my parents tell her, you should try again, it'll be better next time, while they told me: you already did so much, maybe you should just stop. It's hard. but it's like this. Still I understand that always being read the law by both your brother and sister can be very hurting..

long time, confusions and showing

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Heey everybody, I think the 2 first words of the title speak for themselves, how are you guys doing? I just had my mid-terms (or differently said; tests week) and I have been studying everyday till 12.. My body didn't really like that, but somehow my spirit kept on saying; you can do it, you can do it! Did anybody els also had midterms and how are the results?! Suprisingly enough I didn't even get one bad mark. I was so happy! But now, why the second word, confusions. I always wonderd why, but I suddenly place all kinds of song in che chapter 'realistic' and in my place especially: right time, wrong guy, wrong time, right guy. I know I still have time, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt me and kill me, to love somebody, and knowing that person would give up anything, and meanwhile I realise, I might not love him like that. Though he's the greatest guy I ever met. I know I'm a very busy girl and I know that I should actually still wait a few years because, school every weekday and work every friday evening and saturday, gets me in a situation in which it's hard to fine 'spare time for the boyfriend' it looks really awful me describing it like that. But I'm totally confused. Who can help me out? I've got no idea what to do, I did show him already that I wasn't sure about it, he showed me he was prepared to love me anyways, I told him he should not be with me, he instead told me he would give up everything to only see me. And that is what kills me. He's a 100% the prince I've been looking for, but.. I'm not in love. And I know, he will give anything to make me love him anyways.. Things are clear, so very clear to both him and me. Now the last one, the filosofical part of this blog today; showing. We hide on the internet, in real life, on book covers, maybe on school and even when we see somebody we like; don't tell me you do not, because I know that everybody does.. i wonderd and I've been wondering for a long time; why do we hide, even if we're in a conversation with somebody, even when we look at somebody, why are we afraid of showing our real selfs. We always say they should except me for who I am, but can you convince me of the fact that you never hide from yourself. That you do not ever try to be somebody, trying to change into another person, which you actually are not. Trying to hide our bad habits is a nature thing. But if we don't show them immideliatley to somebody we might hang around with alot, don't you think that at the moment you show them it will be a dissapointment and you will feel awful. I think everybody would.. We put masks before our souls, and with that I'm not talking about always. But we often do. Solutions are really hard to find, maybe there doesn't even excist one. The part of hiding now and then or hiding certain things might also be a part of us, but why, did we not hide all those things when we were a kid? Ofcourse, people should have manners, at least we think so. But they're also a way of hiding ourselves. What does mankind want to hide? Why do people, from all sides trying to make us hide? I know that sometimes hiding isn't wrong haha. But, our real selves, we also hide for them don't we? Sometimes we don't want to know things, though we are sure that they are true. Why do we, want to always hide..

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15th Nov 2009, 09:56   comments (0)

people that are sweeter then candy

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Heey, I'm not talking about the people that flirt with you..
Anyways, the people that are sweeter then candy could be; family, best friend, distant friends, olf or new lovers, school/work buddies or normal friends which you don't actually have anything to do with, you just hang out with them some times. Alot of these people, are sweeter then candy. Or differently said, they're candy to your heart and mind. You don't notice, since you just hang out with them and if you haven't spoken each other for a while, there'll be a sudden conversation most likely also about the fact that you miss each other. These are the people that make you feel good, the people that would say hoo! When you do something wrong, but don't walk away but help you figure it out. The people that open up to you or the people you always can relax with. These are the people, we're most likely thankful to, which we think of that we need them, to keep on going, this is what I call the people that are sweeter then candy. But what is it, to everybody these sugary persons are different. To some people your "sweet candy like person" might be a bitch. It's pretty weird isn't? We don't realise, that every person which walks around here is somebody that is a sugary person for somebody els, we don't notice we don't open up to them and actually you could also call it "we rehect them". Should we, understand that we reject those people? Should we see that these people are important to somebody els. The person who is going to stand next to you and ignore you or look at you with those arrogant eyes, I think it's necessairy we look at them and know that they're kind to somebody els. Because, then when you look at somebody you can think; I don't know you, you're looking at me like I'm weird, but I know you can be nice. This doesn't mean that you have to like somebody or make you go talk to them, but you won't look at people so badly as you did before. I think you'll feel better, since you learn how to not judge people by their looks. My sweeter then candy person of today is a friend of mine, he wrote me this
Sampai hati ku mattie.. E>, it's indonesian, and if you're not to lazy you should look it up. Mattie is my name by the way, nice to meet you!

bye bye and hello

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So last week I went to disneyland with my family, not only with my pwn family including my grandma, but also my uncle (from the same grandma her side). At the moment my cousin suffers from a disease which in dutch we call "a plastische anemie" it's close to "leukemie" which is a form of cancer. Bye bye hello. Why this title? At the moment we say either bye bye or hello we always think I'm going to remember this. (Now we have to think of bye bye and hello as sentences and connected words, maybe even actions) so we figure we'll never forget it. But then 4 months later something happens that is similair, now you have to think really hard. Ooh that's right, you'll probs think, I've been through this before. Everything leaves, returns and appears as easy as bye bye and hello doesn't it? Why not take pictures of everything or write in a diary, or even better, a blog. Isn't this also a way of dissapointing ourselfs by forgetting, I see it's human, but we also forget things that were important. Is there a remedy?
23rd Oct 2009, 23:11   | tags:comments (1)

[smallll thingy, not filosofic but MUCC yaay]

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so u know what?! I went to the concert of Mucc..
and I actually catched a plectrum of YUKKE <33!
hahahaha.. I really love himm!! ><
it isn't a normal plectrum though,
it's from the what we call "contrabass"
further more, I wasn't that happy at the moment I catched it, because it was stuck in my hair or something.. =.=
after I found out what it was..
I couldn't stop smiling!
everybody was searching for it,
and I silently walked away, with a big smile on my face.. *hahahaha I can be mean.*

love, mael.
18th Oct 2009, 17:08   | tags:comments (2)

our typical daily

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People always seem to rely on time, unless we find ourselves begging for a change and just going with the flow. This might happen twice or three times a week, all the other days we're one with the clock we live on it, let it decide our lives. How many times a day do we look at a clock to see what time it is? Time to go home, time to go to work, a meeting or an appointment. We worry about being late or wish that our working day is over. I think that people look at the tick tocking clock at least 10 times a day.. I might sound crazy, but what in our lives actually isn't decided in hours? What in this live are we being controlled by? The list now already counts 2: 1. The people surrounding us - 2. Time - and is there anything, or is there a solution, of how to change this? Or do we, humans, want to be in control of something

hello new schoolday, goodbye sweet yesterday

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So most likely what we do is or promise ourselfs tomorrow is going to be better basing our daily life thingy on what happend a day, a month or even longer before. Or we don't care about a single thing that happend yesterday in the past. That is what we call "living for the day of today". But, I wonderd, with both of them do we do any good. If we act like the second we might become reckless en careless, which I think we should not always be. I'm now speaking of extreme situations, but still, we might dump a friend which we had fun with yesterday: because they do something wrong towards you today. But is that worth it? Shouldn't we be thankful? Then you have the other side which is all sorted out, worried about the past AND the future. Most likely not focusing on today. Not realising that today, which we call the present is what we called a future filled with changes yesterday. Yesterday my friend and I were a bit tipsy, so we decided to go to this concert at which we had a really nice time. When I was there I saw my ex and I heard of a friend if his he found hisself secretly wanting me back. But 1 our later he was only focused on this other girl. If I look at him, I'm thankful of what happend last week and yesterday but I doubt him today. I do not know how I should look up to him, and I wonder what should I do. Should I live just for today, or base my life on both the future and past, not on the thing we call present.. What do you do?
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